I was born and thus became a follower of a certain religion. One of the first initial few things thought to me in motor skills was folding my hands in a ‘namste’ , bowing my head before the idols and frames in the sacred room and prostrating before the ‘ holy-man’. The first few words thought, included the God’s name and the first few rhymes and jingles included short versions of long Sanskrit prayers. I have also witnessed the pride and delights on the elder’s face, when they made me show case my pious talents as a toddler. Ofcourse , they were equally, if not more delighted and proud when they heard me recite my alphabets, numerical and rhymes about twinkling stars and black sheep and equally amused with my histrionics of a fat moon faced man falling from a wall. I am told, I was a charming story teller too.
Believed whatever was told and followed the same with religious regularity, until ‘reasoning’ started to seep into the blissful mind. When asked as to why and if’s was told that was the way of life and God would only bestow his blessings on the religious and faithful follower. As times flew and I was no longer a child but a teen, my mind travelled, at infrequent intervals to understand the difference between a follower and believer, in their true sense and their interpretation in realism, all the while still following though with unexpressed skepticism. When wanting to air my thoughts, to some elder, was told I would be punished for my disbelief and if I did not redeem, would have to live in hell, in my afterlife. Thus rebuked and coupled with my inability to articulate my thoughts, I did not venture out to understand God, religion, faith. Meanwhile, I followed the rituals of the religion, with an occasional question on certain rituals and their meaning, origins, significance, sometimes getting no answers, and at times an unsatisfactory answer. The most repeated answer was that we have to follow them, since the generations before us had done so.
Then, I became a bit more read, with new words in my vocabulary and new thoughts in my head. Reasoning, took a predominant position in my actions. My logic was unsure as to how the rituals to an idol gave us benefits. I could not get myself to believe the idols, the rituals. There may be certain power, but I do not see it in any idols. The idols are just idles in my sight and people worship them are probably doing so to refraine from being idle. Although, I always wonder how professedly, religion has become fused with idolatry of the so called Gods figurines and as though we do not have sufficient number of the heavenly Gods, people worship their idols (read superstars of Filmdom), who have attained the status of deities or are probably placed on a higher pedestal.
I always thought ‘Faith’ and ‘Belief’ were necessary to follow any religion. However, all people need is the assurances of the continuity of the blessings, prosperity, security and the prospect of even better living after their deaths. And we have those few, who worship to get some redemption from their misdeeds, committed or yet to be committed. The new amazement is how religion and the belief system are the new products on the shelf to be bought and sold, how it is a conversation starter, ice-breaker of sorts in the parties. It is now fashionable to be religious.
If I have no faith, what is the use of prostrating before anything? A non-believer , though I am, I still do prostrate, bow, fold hands in the sacred room of my home and why I do that, is just to ensure no emotional and frayed temperaments in the home. I do help my mother in her yearly religious ceremonies, only to be of some assistance not because I believe that, whatever she does is ensuring the longevity of my dad’s life or prosperity of the family. At times, I do enjoy certain religious ceremonies, because I get to meet relatives, cousins and get to make merry. I also say “OH!! MY God”!! as a usage, just like I say ‘S***’ and ‘F****’!
There may be certain “something” up above or way below, but haven’t sensed it, well not yet!!. People tell me I have to be a believer to senses the divine power. Am yet to receive the gift of faith then, I guess. Until then, I will continue to be a religiously religious skeptic.
